Liberty Bell

I have to take a break from this blog. Hopefully I’ll get back - no promises… See ya guys later!

Wishing you a blessed Easter.

This is one of the songs the choir I’m in sang last year. (Audio from the Sing of America concert)

Why do people talk,
Of injustice and the right to live,
Refusing to let willing men and women,
Risk death so others can live free,
But kill others,
Before they even have a chance to breathe?

Why can’t people see?

Although the Democrats still hold the lead in Washington politics (and have since 1980), recent events have shown their lead is not unshakeable. The 2004 race for governor between Dino Rossi (Republican) and Christine Gregoire (Democrat) was the closest in Washington State history and in any governors race in the United States. After two recounts and court battle, Rossi lost by 129 votes to current Governor Gregoire.

The Rossi/Gregoire race pointed out several deficiencies with the Washington State voting system, and led to heated debate between the different parties. In the governor’s race, Rossi narrowly led the initial count and a machine recount, but lost in the hand recount requested by the Democrat party. The Republicans questioned and sued over the number of votes from deceased people and convicted felons included in the election – particularly from King County, known to be strongly democratic. Superior Court Judge John Bridges rejected the claims saying that while the claims were significant there was no evidence of fraud or manipulation. Republicans called Democrats cheaters; Democrats insisted they weren’t.

Rossi is expected to run for Governor in 2008. Analysts in both parties agree that a rematch wouldn’t just be a rerun of ‘04. Former thinking that “Pandering to rural voters is a waste of time,”* has been abolished. Democrats have realized the weight of King County may not be enough to hold the election and have started campaigning across Lake Washington, hoping to gain more power. If Rossi runs and wins, he will end the 24-year-hold Democrats have on the governor’s seat.

* From “Better Dead Than Red,” by Dan Savage. It was printed by the Portland Mercury and The Stranger in 2004.

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair “Cowgate”.

BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps’ brains and they go mad. The government doesn’t do anything.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows’ milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the feng shui is bad.

ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.

TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of “ownership” is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of nonspecified gender.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

New Update 2002:

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

A WELSH CORPORATION
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.

PORTUGUESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. As you are hungry you decide to eat one. Then you are hungry again so you eat the second cow, no problem you ask E.U. to send some more.

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and
shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his GPS and replied, “You’re are in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.”

“You must be a republican,” said the balloonist.

“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help so far.”

The man responded, “You must be a democrat.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, some how, it’s my fault.”

My life’s a mess and the internet connection has gone wacko again. The way things are going I won’t be able to post for a bit. So I’ll hope to see you in a few days…